Roses for Darth Vader

from The Devil-Faces of My Old Friends, Beneath Me by Heccra

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The subdivision that my old friends used to live in was near the Fox river. The Fox river is the same river mentioned in the song "Fox." As I would ride my bike to their houses, I would always get smells of the river water, a memory associated with being with them. We spent a lot of time skating and getting into general trouble. (Verse 1)

My friendship with them was a big factor in what turned me into a troubled teen, as through this friend group I was introduced to other bad kids. It was exciting at first, like a big family. However, there was tension at home with my real, stricter family, and definitely sadness and the entertainment of suicidal thoughts. You want relief from these discomforts. (Verse 2)

Along with continued exposure to 4chan in the late 00's, and the other dynamics aforementioned, I began to harbor mischief within myself and carve out an identity by being "not them." This identity forged in the idea of being rejected or misfit from the norm gave me strength and I encouraged its growth. (Verse 3)

lyrics

Catching whiffs of the riverbank… There were moments where fear had seemed to grip me, that I’d see the devil-faces of my old friends, beneath me. Between thrashed decks of skateboards we would ride, and overgrown bushes where we used to hide. Vader, point that death star laser at my teeth and pull the trigger. Oh please, end my misery. Wishes in a fishbowl, scooping hands of filth and sin. Collect cuts in your mouth so the germs can get in. And nothing left the next day but a mask—hanging from the straps on the back of the branch of the tree outside your window. Oh, Oh, Oh, [Screams]

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from The Devil-Faces of My Old Friends, Beneath Me, released January 13, 2014

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Heccra Kansas City, Missouri

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