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The Devil​-​Faces of My Old Friends, Beneath Me

by Heccra

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1.
Catching whiffs of the riverbank… There were moments where fear had seemed to grip me, that I’d see the devil-faces of my old friends, beneath me. Between thrashed decks of skateboards we would ride, and overgrown bushes where we used to hide. Vader, point that death star laser at my teeth and pull the trigger. Oh please, end my misery. Wishes in a fishbowl, scooping hands of filth and sin. Collect cuts in your mouth so the germs can get in. And nothing left the next day but a mask—hanging from the straps on the back of the branch of the tree outside your window. Oh, Oh, Oh, [Screams]
2.
Kitty kitty cat, Kitty kitty cat, won't you run faster and not look back? Strip the branch as you trip, and squeeze hard 'til you reach the pit, and the juice bleeds out all down your wrists. And the dirt sticks to the sticky spots and the trees grow out your hands—when you're dead in the forest, and I stand above you—with my axe! Kitty kitty cat, "is that you?" I wonder. Frolic in the mint that grows behind the dumpster! You're dead in the forest and you've got to hell, and I’ll surf the lava on my turtle shell from Nintendo in my basement. Cops are coming to get me—be patient—to grate me to goo on the pavement. When you're dead in the forest and I've got no backup plan. Oh no, Oh no, Oh no...
3.
Fox 02:32
On the riverbank of the Fox, painted only by onyx and moonlight, I made you cry of helplessness, dark distain, and despair. A bruised crime unforgiven by my conscience. Tear stains (that) only the park bench will know fell from pale soft skin I held close to my face (It’s so easy to slip into old comforts.) You held me only ‘cuz you were alone. You were fascinated with me. I showed you that I disagreed with your imagination. Ruin the dream, Spoil the honey. It can never be the way your green eyes dreamt it. Behind our embrace, I stared at windowpanes, opaque like your pupils. It stained out onto our dark black clothes already soaked with teenage sweat and caffeine. Our youthful grease was so sweet. I looked deep to see your wet brain. I’ll just thumb your skull down into the bed of the riverbank.
4.
I know all your friends. I'm coming to get you. I killed all your friends. I didn't forget you. I'll make a special day for you—Oh I'll make a special day for you! I feel my feet on dark rails, my friend. I don't want to ride that train again. (Yeah humans, they keep themselves up all night!) I shake awake and realize the date. There's no alchemy on this side of the gate. I mostly feel like I'm a cage and my heart is my weakest organ. I'm so sorry that I scorched you, tortuously ignored you, it's not hate—it's hate. You won't sleep tonight What keeps me up at night? The guilt, like stabbing knives.
5.
Counting my days ‘til I panic when I sum it all. Dive in the closet and hide from the cross on the wall. But you haven’t punished me yet, are you just saving up for Hell? Slam! Opens the closet, is it God’s almighty hand? Come to shake me down for the shit I stole and the teeth I pulled from the dead? Instead, the preacher’s daughter—just a wine box, a babe, and a hush—stroking hair and locking eyes. Am I feeling love? Our coat hanger heaven above, with Hell under. Our coat hanger above, with Hell under. Disappoint me with your mercy. Disappoint me with your mercy.
6.
Some nights I wish I hadn't pulled in—I wish I had just crashed. It'd be a lie if I said I never woke—my face melted on the dash. Dexy, tobacco, and Red Bull and beer and I'm fucking myself. Sooner or later, we'll be able to enjoy our death. Climbing the ivy, I'll suffer any pain, to drink hot energy drinks, in the cruel, cool summer. Hot energy drinks in the cruel, cool summer. Addiction, never leave my brainstem. Exhaustion always in my eyes. Hot energy drinks in the cruel, cool summer. Fuck Port Edward’s.
7.
Koala Bear 01:59
: So, climb a chain-link fence to the moon, let your wrist blood drop to its doom. I’m running through the forest with my pockets full of gummy bears, running from the future with my backpack full of Koala bears. Fuck this life and the police state, burn your brain so you won’t be shark bait waiting for the sea to take a bite out of me. I’m running through the forest with my pockets full of gummy bears, telling all my friends to climb the trees while I dry my tears. Watching for hot air balloons to pick us up and shush our fears, waiting for the day that I can sail away, sail away… I have tasted all the flavors of the sea, and that is everything I need to dig my grave and die. Dear R.L. Stein, you wrote these pages of my life
8.
Collecting rainclouds in my bag of fields and grass. Time shows the change of mountains and hills to flats (but there’ll be more mountains.) You’re mad because I ruined your perfect trap. Waste no time, you must begin, I know you’ll spin another web again (what changed us from lovers to friends?) Whoa, you’ve got bikeride eyes, baby let’s go and ride, baby let’s go and ride.
9.

about

Recording for Devil-Faces began the summer of 2013, when I returned home from college after my freshman year. I regained my job at Algonquin seafood restaurant Port Edward; inspiration for the song "Port Deadwards," about a summer of drug abuse and exhausting night shifts. The song "Fox" takes its name from the Fox River, which Port Edward sits on. Also of interesting note, "The Mint that Grows behind the Dumpster" is in reference to a real mint plant which was actually growing behind the trash dumpster of Port Edward, and yes, we did serve it as far as I know (I recall seeing mojitos made with it being drank at least by the kitchen staff.) The album sat as "unfinished" for nearly 6 years until early 2019, where I called it finished.

All tracks were recorded to a VCR tape, and then the tape was played while the VCR audio out was recorded.

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released January 13, 2014

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Heccra Kansas City, Missouri

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